


Soft epilogue

by donia01



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 20:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7452739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donia01/pseuds/donia01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The summary of Lexa's death and how it should have ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soft epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> This story had been written before Rothenberg explained how the chips work so don't write in comments that it's no-cannon; I know it.
> 
> This is my first story on AO3 and one of my first stories in English so take my apologise for all my mistakes. Although my English teacher checked it, and I'm eternally grateful to her for her help, I'm sure there are still some mistakes.

I think we deserve  
a soft epilogue, my love.  
We are good people  
and we’ve suffered enough.

— Seventy Years of Sleep # 4. nikka ursula

“Lexa.”

It’s the only word that escapes from your mouth when you see as your bedroom’s door opens and shows Lexa with the sound of gunshot coming to your ears a second later. You stop paying attention to what’s happening around you when your eyes follow Lexa’s hand to a black bloodstain blooming on her shirt. Her face shows amazement and her green eyes search for yours just before she falls on the ground.

“No. No.” You fall to the ground with her trying to catch her but with no results. Titus crawls to you and helps to lay her on her back when he tries to pull her out from your hands. Your gaze runs quickly on her body when your brain starts to create a plan in your head. “Help me get her to the bed.” You scream as the terror rises in you. Only one thought is in your mind: I can’t lose her.

Titus moves Lexa carefully to your bed and you follow him thinking how you can save Lexa now. “What have I done?” You hear as Titus asks with a trembling voice when he finally realizes that Lexa is dying because of him. Lexa breathes heavier and you start to panic more and more. But you are not going to surrender to this chilling fear, but you start to think as your mother taught you. “I need something to stop the bleeding.” You say it to Titus and he immediately takes a step back and goes to search for something. You press both your hands to the wound and you feel as your heart starts to bleed when you see Lexa shake because of pain. You know that this time your touch brings to her only pain but you still press your hands trying to spot the bleeding. Lexa looks at your hands when she starts to realize that she is dying.

“You’ll be ok. Just lie still, ok? Lie still.” You say to her nervously when you suddenly feel her warm hand squeezing yours. Lexa looks at you with unexpected peace in her eyes that scares you even more than pain that was seconds earlier in them. You are looking in her green eyes wondering how it can be possible that even now you are able to drown in them.

“Don’t be afraid.” A quiet voice comes from Lexa and you know she is almost crying. But not because she is dying but because she’ll leave you alone and hurt even more and deeper than so far. She despairs of that you just returned her feeling and this happiness is being taken from her now. Her gaze is searching in your eyes the same love you gifted her with just seconds ago but you know that except love in your eyes is despair.

“You’re gonna be fine. Just stay still.” Titus places you a bowl with water and a cloth. You rip Lexa’s shirt to have a better access to her wound and you can’t stop a growing lump in your throat as you see how bad it is. The black blood is dripping over her smooth skin but you notice a black spot just under her skin – internal bleeding. You wash the wound with water without minding what Titus is doing now. You are completely focused on saving your soulmate.  Your heart is racing faster when you realize that Lexa is breathing harder and wheezing. You press the cloth harder to the wound and you start shouting in your mind as you know how much in pain is that girl. “She’s losing too much blood.” You say to yourself as you ask yourself about advice. “Stay with me.” You say to her, no, you command Lexa. She stares at your actions but by her eyes you can tell that she already lost hope.

You glance between Lexa’s face and Titus with hope that the man will bring something to stop the bleeding but he starts to set up an old surgical instruments on a piece of red material instead. “What the hell is that?” You ask quickly as you feel increasing worry that the man who is responsible for all of this doesn’t even try to help you. When he still doesn’t response your worry turns into fear. “Titus, what are you doing?” No response again. But instead you hear Lexa gasping for breath, she can’t handle this pain. You look at her and you see tears in her eyes and you know that the person who is dying in front of you is Lexa, not Heda.

“I will fix you. Just stay with me.” You say firmly although you start to stop believing in these words as you feel warm blood still dripping from the wound under your hands. Suddenly, Titus is beside Lexa and you can’t even cover her with your body. “Oh, no.” You say to him but he ignores you. “Get away from her.” Your words are full of hate that you feel to this man but he quietens you with a motion of his hand, totally focused on Lexa.

Lexa stares at him with a silent request that you don’t understand but you see that she is not afraid of him. That she decided to bury hate in herself not to poison her last minutes of life. Titus cups her face softly and leans forward. “Forgive me, Heda.” He says with voice full of anguish. You know he regrets his actions and you know it will haunt him till the end of his days.

“You will never again attempt to harm Clarke. Swear it.” You hear as Lexa says uneasily to Titus in Trigedasleng and love starts to fill you more and more when you realize that even in her last brief time of life Lexa thinks only about you.

“I swear it.” He responds finally as he swallows his tears. Lexa closes her eyes with satisfaction and it’s when first tears start running down her cheeks. You want to wipe them away, to ensure her that everything will be ok and to pull her into your arms not to let her go till the end but you also know how important is that moment to her. Titus is her last loved one that is still alive. He is not only a teacher for Lexa and advisor but he also acts as her father who was taken from her when she was so young.

“Then do your job.” This time it is order that comes from Lexa and you feel as fear paralyses you. You look at Lexa with terror knowing well what that means even without that what Lexa says next. “Serve the next as you have served me, Flamekeeper.” You don’t know this title but because of Lexa’s face you guess that it means a lot to her. Into her eyes sneaks greater fear when Titus nods shakily and takes a step back. You know that Lexa is more aware of how little time she has than you are.

You wring out the blood from the cloth and press it to the wound again when Titus walks away from the bed as he can no longer see what he has done. “Hey, Heda, don’t you dare give up.” You don’t know if you are trying to convince Lexa or to calm yourself. You make the most confident face that you can now even when you know that Lexa will see through it.

“I’m not.” Lexa’s body trembles even more and you don’t know if it is from all the feelings inside her or from the loss of the blood. Her eyes are full of tears and her lips shake when she says the next words. “My spirit will live on.” She tries to stop tears not to hurt you more but you are not sure if you can suffer even more. You see that Lexa completely believes in her words but you don’t believe in reincarnation. This assurance is just another proof of upcoming death.

“No.” You resist firmly. “I’m not letting you die.” You don’t promise her that she won’t die because you promised to yourself that you would never lie to her. However, Lexa seems to have been deceived by you even though things you said turned out to be more truthful than you really intended. You will do everything, literally everything to save Lexa no matter the costs.

“There’s nothing you can do now.” She answers with grief in her voice and you feel as you are savagely torn off the last pieces of hope. Lexa has always been your support, something permanent, almost the epitome of hope and when you hear from her that she lost her hope you feel as if a knife is plunging deep into your racing heart. “The next commander will protect you.”

“I don’t want the next commander.” You say with all your power knowing that this time is your turn to be a hope for Lexa. You see as the last walls that separate all Lexa’s emotions are falling and she is overwhelmed with love that she was leashing waiting for you for so long. “I want you.” You say softly, almost importantly. You don’t even know when ‘need’ became ‘want’ but you know it’s true. You no longer need someone to survive. Now you want to live your life with someone till the end.

“I’m ready, Heda.” Titus says suddenly and in his voice a grief can be heard clearly. You glance with an uncomprehending look between Titus and Lexa but no one says anything. Titus delicately moves your hand from the wound and takes a little bit of blood on his fingers and makes a straight line from the top of his head to his nose. You no longer press the wound; it is now in vain.

“Clarke…” Lexa’s voice comes to you and you quickly turn your head towards her and catch her stare. You know it is only a little bit of her life and behind the tears in Lexa’s eyes you see only pure love that she feels to you. That she has always felt to you. “I’m here.” You respond barely stopping your tears. With one hand you hold her cold hand and with another you start to caress her hair in calming motion but you need solace now, too.

The tears again roll down her cheeks when she tries to say the words that you wished never to hear again. “Ai gonplei ste odon.” She finally falters and you see Anya when she was saying exactly the same words. My fight is over. You disagree. You are not letting to finish her fight. You just can’t.

“No. No. I won’t accept that.” You shake your head and your lips twist in grimace that was meant to be a calming smile. You barely hold back the tears from falling from your eyes even when you see a warm smile on Lexa’s lips. You see the tears stream down her cheeks and you swallow yours not to blur you the image of peace on the person’s face that is everything for you. You know that losing her will be even worse than anything that has ever happened to you. It’s because those deaths took only loved people from you. This death is taking a part of you.

“You were right, Clarke.” She says with a smile but you see fear and pain in it that she can’t hide. Every next tear that falls from her eyes as a stab of a knife straight into your heart. And those desperate attempts to protect you from all of these feelings are taking your breath. But the happiness and the love disappear from her face and the misery comes as her next words hurt her even more than you. “Life is about more than just surviving.”

Those words are the biggest declaration of love than you ever expected but they are also her last goodbye. “Oh…” escapes from you. You can’t accept the meaning of these words. You know that Lexa finally decided to trust her heart after everything that happened to Costia though it’s still painful. You are still stroking her hair as you want to show her with this simple touch how much those words from her mean to you. Her eyes brim in with tears as the despair occupies her thoughts and yours are occupied by a sense of injustice. Why now? Why Lexa? You want to say that you would have taken that bullet if you had known it would reach Lexa but, on the other hand, you wouldn’t want Lexa to feel the same pain that you feel now.

She closes her eyes; new tears are running down her cheeks as her breath becomes heavy and fitful. Her skin is cooler and you just want to hug her, to bury your face into her soft hair and close your eyes knowing that when you open them again you will see her warm smile; she will brush your hair away from your face and will greet you with a kiss.

“Clarke.” Murthy’s hand clenches on your arm but you don’t even notice that. You are completely focused on those beautiful green eyes in which you are drowning and you feel as if you are choking. His words barely reach your ears but your mind absorbs them all and you turn your head quickly towards him. “I know how to save her.”

“Speak.” You command him firmly, though you know you should beg him on your knees to tell you how to help your lover. “This chip that I gave to that bald guy. It is thought to be some kind of key to the City of Light. Jaha said that in this place there was neither pain nor diseases. I don’t know how it works but maybe it’ll help her.”

“Titus, do you have it?” You ask with a new hope in your voice. By Titus’ face you can tell that he hesitates and the rage is rising in you. “Do you have it or not?”

“Yes, I have.” He says eventually and takes out from his pocket a little blue thing. With a fast movement you take the chip from his hand and turn to Lexa. And you feel as your heart stops beating. She’s not moving. Her chest is still and her open eyes are fixed at you with cold emptiness. You feel Titus’ hands clench on your arms as he’s trying to pull you back from her but Murphy drags him from you. With trembling hands you open Lexa’s mouth and put the chip into her throat trying to push it as deep as you can. You know that it’s only a few more inches before her organism takes it to her stomach.

“Clarke, quickly!” Murphy shouts to you and Titus’ hand once again clench on your arm just in the moment when the chip is in the right place. He drags you from Lexa’s body and you’re fighting with him, trying to run away from him.

“She’s dead.” He says bitterly into your ear. “Let her go.”

“No! It can’t be true. No…” You fall on the floor and the tears roll down your cheeks. Tears that you were holding for so long were little symbols of all the feeling you have for Lexa and every single memory that you share with her. “Lexa…”

* * *

 

“Clarke. Clarke, wake up.” A soft voice slowly scramble through the fog of a dream to your mind with the gently touch on your arm. “Clarke, it was just a nightmare. You’re safe, can you hear me?”

“Lexa?” You mumble with sleepy voice and you open your eyes. You see Lexa’s concerned eyes an inch in front of you and you can’t help the tears that are falling from your eyes again. Lexa pulls you closer and starts to caress your back as you cry into her shirt.

“Shh. It’s okay. I’m with you.” She whispers into your ear and you hear in her voice a concern mixed with love. “It was just a nightmare.”

“I was dreaming you died.” You say finally when you calm down enough to say something. “I was dreaming I lost you.” Lexa embraces you tighter and buries her face into your hair and you can feel her breath on your neck.

“You didn’t lose me. I’m here with you, safe and sound, thanks to you, Clarke.” She answers very softly and you discover once again that her voice is the most beautiful sound in the universe. “I’m afraid of what could happen if I failed.” You confess. You know that she will never answer this question because she doesn’t want you to know this feeling. “I won’t lose you. Never.”

“You won’t.” She says warmly. She pulls back slowly and rests her forehead on yours. “I swear to you, Clarke kom Skaikru, I vow you will never lose me.”


End file.
